The Hiatus

I thought I was innocent,
But I’m being punished.
I didn’t start this,
But I have to finish it somehow.
I can’t say I didn’t know about it,
But I don’t remember taking part in it.
I get the feeling my freedom cost me dearly,
But I don’t remember selling my soul cheaply.

Hey, hey!
Until I die and say goodbye…
Hey, hey!
…no one will ever catch me.

You probably don’t know the eternal outlaws
Who wander the distant night.

Not yet knowing
What it means to love,
I try to connect somewhere
With someone, anyone.
On aimless nights, you
Keep sending out a signal of loneliness.

Not yet knowing
What it means to be hurt and such,
I try to be connected by something
To someone, anyone
In the wandering night, you
Keep waiting; a signal of loneliness.

Ah, I wonder why are you out there searching for something?
Ah, I wonder why are you out there afraid of something?
Ah, I wonder what kind of future you’ll have?

I want to find the one I love.
I want to find the one I’m supposed to love.
I want to find her.
Anyone is OK. Quick… Anytime…

Someday, when I’ve realized
What is precious,
Will I, who am no-one in particular,
Be able to meet someone?
In the tomorrow which is still unseen, you
Beat out a signal of loneliness.

Ah, I wonder why are you out there searching for something?
Ah, I wonder why are you out there afraid of something?
Ah, I wonder what kind of future we’ll have?

I want to find the one I love.
I want to find the one I’m supposed to love.
I want to find her.
Anyone is OK. Quick… Anytime…

You know what’s funny with life-predicaments?  They make you want to mess with lyrics.  Heh.

And you don’t seem to understand
A shame you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear
And you know what they say might hurt you
And you know that it means so much
And you don’t even feel a thing

I am falling
I am fading
I have lost it all

And you don’t seem the lying kind
A shame that I can read your mind
And all the things that I read there
Candle lit smile that we both share
And you know I don’t mean to hurt you
But you know that it means so much
And you don’t even feel a thing

I am falling
I am fading
I am drowning, help me to breathe
I am hurting
I have lost it all
I am losing, help me to breathe

Well, in case I’d have to be explicit, I didn’t.

I disdain you like the rain disdains the earth.
    Thus, when I fall, you almost feel that I am hate
  That holds your feet and pulls you towards darkness.
    For thoughts of you, I suffer, as death is fate.

The coldness that I bare since my unwanted birth
    Are like trickles, in time, they come and go.
  But as I fall towards your absent embrace,
    Try might I to shut them tight, still they flow.

They flow and leak towards their hearts and yours
    That freeze memoirs of me for your inspection.
  ’tis there that you might see that I am cold.
    And death, and hate, and forget are my redemption.

So, I now sleep in this bed that I prepared,
    To famish myself of your dances in front of me.
  That I may someday walk your path as I awake.
    And say nothing more than an apology.

If I cut my wrist
And remove my hand,
Will I die from bleeding?
As I celebrate the pain
Of slowly losing sanity
Amidst the continuous
Draining of blood
From my head?

If I turn this light off
And lurk in darkness,
For all eternity,
Will your hand touch
My cold forehead?
And pray that my soul
May wander
Inside the recesses
Of your ever
Withering heart?

For this specter
That I call self
Is trapped at the center
Of my universe.
While everything else
Is rotating,
Living, loving,
Realizing.
And throwing scattered words
Of age and wisdom.
While I glutton over
Feelings of hate and love,
Over
And over
Again.

The only escape I see
Is to disappear…

Into the placid breeze
Like a speck of cremated dust.
And fly from your nose
To your lungs.
To smell your sentience,
Feel your heart,

And see the world
Through eyes
Of non-existence.

Forever…

I said, "I no longer remember your voice."
For I didn’t know it to be this strong.
Clouding the certainty within my choice.
Making me forget why this is wrong.

I don’t want to smile:

For each time I do,

I remember you…

If it is to catch your attention, I would still do it the next time you ask (only that a little preparation wouldn’t hurt :).

Yesternight
Was a dream
Of not my liking:
Where I went
And revealed myself,
For the first time,
To the largest crowd
I was ever revealed.

So, they did see
(I hope not with hearts)
What I really am.
For you opened my chest
And exposed my soul
To the world
Of yesternight.

"I do not jealous over your affairs,
For I am happy to see you smile."
Or so says the mind;
Yet the heart screams otherwise.

Not that I despair over your smile.
Only that when I glutton over that face,
I burn my heart in vain.